1 00:00:08,629 --> 00:00:10,761 [ Ulysses Voiceover ] I've always had a simultaneous fear of, 2 00:00:10,892 --> 00:00:13,068 and attraction toward, the unknown. 3 00:00:14,896 --> 00:00:17,377 And in these fucking dark and scary times, 4 00:00:17,507 --> 00:00:21,598 it's easy to adopt a "What difference does it make?" attitude. 5 00:00:21,729 --> 00:00:24,688 So I often find myself in these situations 6 00:00:24,819 --> 00:00:29,693 where my heart's pounding so fast I can barely breathe. 7 00:00:29,824 --> 00:00:31,652 And I can't tell if it's excitement or terror or both. 8 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:33,654 [ man groans ] 9 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,612 -No! -It's not like I'm brave 10 00:00:35,743 --> 00:00:40,443 or anything, it's more reckless stupidity, 11 00:00:41,966 --> 00:00:44,404 an adrenaline fix, 12 00:00:44,534 --> 00:00:47,885 throwing myself into the void to see what happens. 13 00:00:54,327 --> 00:00:56,764 No! 14 00:00:56,894 --> 00:00:57,939 Help me! 15 00:00:59,114 --> 00:01:01,203 [ man groans ] 16 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,207 [ screams ] 17 00:01:05,338 --> 00:01:06,382 [ Ulysses grunting ] 18 00:01:06,513 --> 00:01:09,429 Harder! Harder! 19 00:01:09,559 --> 00:01:10,386 -[ door thuds ] -Dave? 20 00:01:10,517 --> 00:01:11,518 Oh, shit! 21 00:01:11,648 --> 00:01:12,475 My husband's home! 22 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,695 Oh, shit. 23 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,218 [ stammers ] What should I do? 24 00:01:18,786 --> 00:01:20,222 DAVE'S HUSBAND: Dave, where are you?! 25 00:01:20,353 --> 00:01:23,225 DAVE: In here, babe. 26 00:01:23,356 --> 00:01:24,748 -[ Ulysses yelps ] -[ loud thud ] 27 00:01:36,804 --> 00:01:38,458 [ Ulysses Voiceover ] So yeah, I realized that one day 28 00:01:38,588 --> 00:01:40,460 these crazy adventures will probably get me 29 00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:42,940 into some gigantic trouble I can't get out of. 30 00:01:45,726 --> 00:01:47,815 But it's almost like I can't help myself. 31 00:01:47,945 --> 00:01:49,991 [ "Star Roving" by Slowdive ] 32 00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:55,214 I do shit sometimes and I really don't know why. 33 00:01:58,173 --> 00:01:59,653 To avoid boredom, I guess. 34 00:02:01,524 --> 00:02:02,482 To feel alive. 35 00:02:04,571 --> 00:02:06,790 Just for the fucking fuck of it. 36 00:02:21,457 --> 00:02:25,679 ♪ Give it away now, girl 37 00:02:25,809 --> 00:02:30,466 ♪ Can't hold down tonight 38 00:02:47,570 --> 00:02:50,312 [ panting ] 39 00:02:50,443 --> 00:02:51,400 Ah. 40 00:02:54,403 --> 00:02:55,361 Sorry, dude. 41 00:02:56,492 --> 00:02:57,624 Whatever. 42 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,323 Hey, Severine. 43 00:03:01,454 --> 00:03:03,586 I thought you were sleeping out tonight. 44 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,284 Yeah, uh, I'm not. 45 00:03:08,374 --> 00:03:11,028 Anyhoo, please, continue. 46 00:03:12,378 --> 00:03:13,509 Goodnight, Ulysses. 47 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,294 Goodnight. 48 00:03:15,424 --> 00:03:18,427 Night, dude. 49 00:03:18,558 --> 00:03:22,214 ULYSSES: So, Ford and I have a sort of strange relationship. 50 00:03:22,562 --> 00:03:26,218 We've been roommates since college 51 00:03:26,348 --> 00:03:29,351 and we kind of drunk messed around once freshman year. 52 00:03:29,482 --> 00:03:32,093 I love him unconditionally 53 00:03:32,224 --> 00:03:35,792 and if he had even one sexually ambiguous molecule 54 00:03:35,923 --> 00:03:37,533 in his body, we'd probably be married, 55 00:03:37,664 --> 00:03:41,581 but Ford's that truly rare Kinsey zero 56 00:03:41,711 --> 00:03:44,453 in contrast to my ever oscillating four, 57 00:03:44,584 --> 00:03:46,673 which means I'm not so totally queer 58 00:03:46,803 --> 00:03:50,372 that I haven't rubbed out a few fantasizing about Severine. 59 00:03:50,503 --> 00:03:53,636 Everything in my life right now is a question mark, 60 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,987 which pretty much explains what this thing is about. 61 00:03:57,118 --> 00:03:59,033 It's definitely not a vlog. 62 00:03:59,163 --> 00:04:02,471 It's more of a place to download the random shit 63 00:04:02,602 --> 00:04:05,866 that's in my head to keep it from like [ lips pop ] exploding. 64 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:10,131 Back in school, I thought I wanted to be an actor, 65 00:04:10,262 --> 00:04:12,873 but once I got to LA, I quickly discovered 66 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,223 that's probably the lamest, most soul-crushing thing 67 00:04:15,354 --> 00:04:17,007 I could do with my life. 68 00:04:17,138 --> 00:04:19,227 And Ford is that sad LA cliché, 69 00:04:19,358 --> 00:04:21,534 an aspiring screenwriter. 70 00:04:21,664 --> 00:04:24,537 But movies are even more irrelevant now than books. 71 00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:28,497 It's all stupid superheroes and YA bullshit. 72 00:04:28,628 --> 00:04:30,847 And thanks to Instagram, art and photography, 73 00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:32,936 all of that's pretty much obsolete now too, 74 00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:34,764 so lacking a better outlet, 75 00:04:34,895 --> 00:04:39,508 here I am talking to myself in the dark. 76 00:04:47,647 --> 00:04:52,129 But also, there's something weird going on 77 00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:56,308 that I feel I need to document. 78 00:05:00,224 --> 00:05:01,835 I've been having this nightmare, 79 00:05:01,965 --> 00:05:04,098 the same one over and over, 80 00:05:04,228 --> 00:05:06,056 two or three times a week for the past month. 81 00:05:06,187 --> 00:05:07,841 MAN: No! 82 00:05:07,971 --> 00:05:09,321 [ Ulysses Voiceover ] And it's so vivid and freakishly real 83 00:05:09,451 --> 00:05:13,194 that when I wake up, it's still there hovering over me like 84 00:05:13,325 --> 00:05:15,152 it's not just a dream, 85 00:05:15,283 --> 00:05:18,373 like it's trying to tell me something. 86 00:05:18,504 --> 00:05:21,376 Maybe smoke a smidge less pot before bedtime? 87 00:05:21,507 --> 00:05:23,335 Carly, I'm being serious. 88 00:05:23,465 --> 00:05:25,554 Don't you ever get bizarre premonitions? 89 00:05:25,685 --> 00:05:29,384 -No. -Well, I do and I'm a double Scorpio. 90 00:05:29,515 --> 00:05:31,473 It's the most psychic of all the signs. 91 00:05:31,604 --> 00:05:34,520 And I've had premonitions before, but this is different. 92 00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:37,697 It's like we're teetering on the brink of total annihilation. 93 00:05:37,827 --> 00:05:40,961 CARLY: Okay, well, that's every fucking day now 94 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,659 in this tragic shit show era we're living in. 95 00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:46,575 But anyway, are you still cyber-stalking that guy? 96 00:05:46,706 --> 00:05:49,361 -Gabriel. -Mm. 97 00:05:49,491 --> 00:05:51,667 Yeah. We were supposed to hang out last night, but-- 98 00:05:51,798 --> 00:05:56,150 Oh, let me guess, he flaked. 99 00:05:56,280 --> 00:06:00,502 Hey, look, this guy's a gnarly 300-pound catfish. 100 00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:02,939 That's why I've been pushing to meet in real life. 101 00:06:03,070 --> 00:06:04,550 Look, check it out. 102 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,422 -Oh. He is pretty. -Right? 103 00:06:07,553 --> 00:06:10,164 I know it sounds hokey, but I just get this vibe that we're destined to be. 104 00:06:10,294 --> 00:06:12,340 Okay, double Scorpio. 105 00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:15,604 Honestly, just looking at him makes me dizzy and hard. 106 00:06:15,735 --> 00:06:17,301 You know, when I first met Jethro, 107 00:06:17,432 --> 00:06:19,869 seeing him sneeze would make me cum, 108 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,742 but now, like uh, last night, in the middle of fucking, 109 00:06:22,872 --> 00:06:27,442 Jethro leans in and for some ungodly reason, whispers-- 110 00:06:28,530 --> 00:06:30,750 Mm, teach me, baby, teach me. 111 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:31,707 -What? -[ Jethro moans ] 112 00:06:31,838 --> 00:06:32,969 Teach me! 113 00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,102 Is that something you got from a bad porno? 114 00:06:35,232 --> 00:06:36,451 Oh, come on, baby! 115 00:06:36,582 --> 00:06:38,235 Yeah, teach me how to drive you wild! 116 00:06:38,366 --> 00:06:39,846 Yes, baby! 117 00:06:39,976 --> 00:06:41,195 Make me a student! 118 00:06:41,325 --> 00:06:43,197 I'm a vessel for your pleasure! 119 00:06:43,327 --> 00:06:44,285 -[ groans ] -Yeah! 120 00:06:44,416 --> 00:06:46,156 Ah, teach me, baby! 121 00:06:46,287 --> 00:06:47,114 -Come on, yeah! -Can you just slow down 122 00:06:47,244 --> 00:06:48,594 a little bit, please?! 123 00:06:48,724 --> 00:06:50,117 Teach me, baby! Teach me! 124 00:06:50,247 --> 00:06:52,249 -Oh, shit. -And it gets worse. 125 00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:55,470 He wants me to go to his fucking meditation class tonight. 126 00:06:55,601 --> 00:06:57,167 But meditating gives you anxiety. 127 00:06:57,298 --> 00:06:59,343 Yeah, I know. 128 00:06:59,474 --> 00:07:01,433 It's so easy for him. His brain, his natural resting state, 129 00:07:01,563 --> 00:07:04,827 is just a blank void of nothingness. 130 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,177 -[ phone buzzes ] -[ Carly sighs ] 131 00:07:07,308 --> 00:07:08,962 Is it the catfish? 132 00:07:09,092 --> 00:07:10,790 Oh, shit, really? What'd he say? 133 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,661 That he wants to meet tonight. 134 00:07:12,792 --> 00:07:16,273 Okay, well, my advice, set the bar low. 135 00:07:16,404 --> 00:07:18,754 Very low. 136 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:25,282 ♪ Sanctify the love that you crave, crave ♪ 137 00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:30,200 ♪ Oh, and I won't, and I won't, and I won't be ashamed ♪ 138 00:07:30,331 --> 00:07:32,899 ♪ Sanctify my sins when I pray ♪ 139 00:07:33,029 --> 00:07:36,555 ♪ Oh, oh, oh 140 00:07:36,685 --> 00:07:41,211 -♪ When I pray -♪ Oh, oh, oh 141 00:07:42,169 --> 00:07:44,563 ♪ You'll find redemption 142 00:07:44,693 --> 00:07:45,694 Hey. 143 00:07:47,174 --> 00:07:49,263 How's the script coming? 144 00:07:49,393 --> 00:07:51,091 I've seen you here before. 145 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,135 Oh. 146 00:07:53,310 --> 00:07:54,877 It's going great. 147 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,009 You a writer too? 148 00:07:56,139 --> 00:07:57,227 No. 149 00:07:57,532 --> 00:07:58,968 Actually, I'm a producer. 150 00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:02,494 Oh, no shit. Cool. 151 00:08:02,624 --> 00:08:04,670 You should send me one of your scripts. 152 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,196 -For real? -Yes. 153 00:08:09,326 --> 00:08:12,242 You look like a ambitious, hardworking young man. 154 00:08:13,983 --> 00:08:15,811 Email me. 155 00:08:15,942 --> 00:08:17,596 Oh, wow. 156 00:08:17,726 --> 00:08:20,120 Okay, Mr. Powers. 157 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:23,123 Please. Barnabas. 158 00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:28,737 Ford. Ford Halstead. 159 00:08:28,868 --> 00:08:31,697 Great to meet you, Ford. 160 00:08:31,827 --> 00:08:34,177 Well, I'll let you get back to work. 161 00:08:34,308 --> 00:08:36,136 Cool! I'll email you. 162 00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:38,617 Looking forward to it. 163 00:08:46,886 --> 00:08:49,366 [ phone chiming ] 164 00:08:55,634 --> 00:08:58,288 MAN: They keep fucking me. 165 00:08:59,899 --> 00:09:01,030 I tell them no, 166 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,120 but they keep fucking me. 167 00:09:04,251 --> 00:09:05,644 They keep fucking me! 168 00:09:05,774 --> 00:09:07,341 Fucking me! 169 00:09:07,471 --> 00:09:09,038 And they won't stop. 170 00:09:13,347 --> 00:09:16,959 Please, make them stop. 171 00:09:18,439 --> 00:09:19,571 Make them stop. 172 00:09:41,288 --> 00:09:43,159 Severine Bordeaux. 173 00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:44,639 [ scanner beeps ] 174 00:10:04,833 --> 00:10:06,356 Hello, Severine. 175 00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:09,621 Lars. Klaus. 176 00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:13,320 Looks like I didn't miss anything. 177 00:10:13,450 --> 00:10:15,801 Yes, the man is running late as usual. 178 00:10:15,931 --> 00:10:19,021 I think they keep us waiting on purpose, to build anticipation. 179 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,111 And to make our work seem even more highly classified than it is. 180 00:10:22,242 --> 00:10:24,331 Actually, I heard this new assignment 181 00:10:24,461 --> 00:10:26,463 is a genuine priority level one. 182 00:10:27,508 --> 00:10:28,857 Really? 183 00:10:28,988 --> 00:10:30,032 Who told you this? 184 00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:32,078 [ Severine sighs ] 185 00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:34,820 If I revealed my sources, I'd have to kill you. 186 00:10:37,039 --> 00:10:38,998 [ groans ] 187 00:10:42,697 --> 00:10:43,611 I don't know, Uly. 188 00:10:43,742 --> 00:10:46,788 Sometimes a dream is just a dream. 189 00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:51,575 Yeah, but then, but then sometimes, sometimes it's more. 190 00:10:53,099 --> 00:10:56,145 Dude, do you remember that time you were so convinced an earthquake was coming? 191 00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:57,669 You went out, you bought a bunch of soup 192 00:10:57,799 --> 00:10:59,758 and water and batteries? 193 00:10:59,888 --> 00:11:01,107 [ laughs ] 194 00:11:01,237 --> 00:11:02,282 This is different than that. 195 00:11:03,283 --> 00:11:05,198 Is it? 196 00:11:05,328 --> 00:11:08,027 Anyway, huh, isn't it awesome what happened today? 197 00:11:08,157 --> 00:11:09,332 What? 198 00:11:09,463 --> 00:11:11,204 That producer gave me his business card. 199 00:11:12,292 --> 00:11:13,336 Oh, right. 200 00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:14,903 So is he- is he for real? 201 00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:16,557 What do you mean? 202 00:11:16,688 --> 00:11:18,472 As in does he have credits? 203 00:11:18,602 --> 00:11:19,691 That, that aren't porn. 204 00:11:19,821 --> 00:11:22,345 Yeah. I already checked. 205 00:11:22,476 --> 00:11:24,957 Just be careful, okay? 'Cause he could be a serial killer or-- 206 00:11:25,087 --> 00:11:26,480 Okay, paranoid. 207 00:11:26,610 --> 00:11:30,614 ♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do 208 00:11:30,745 --> 00:11:34,053 Hey, so, um, I'm gonna be a, a little bit behind 209 00:11:34,183 --> 00:11:35,489 on, on the rent again, this month. 210 00:11:35,619 --> 00:11:38,448 Ah, no big. I got it. 211 00:11:38,579 --> 00:11:40,712 I know, I just, I don't wanna be a scab. 212 00:11:40,842 --> 00:11:42,757 Hey, I said don't worry about it. 213 00:11:42,888 --> 00:11:45,020 It was my idea to move to Cali in the first place. 214 00:11:45,151 --> 00:11:47,283 Plus, I'm the one with the rich parents, so whatevs. 215 00:11:47,414 --> 00:11:49,111 [ Ford chuckles ] 216 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,723 Seriously, bro, man, I'm just so glad 217 00:11:51,853 --> 00:11:53,420 we're out here together. 218 00:11:53,550 --> 00:11:56,292 You and me, man, living the dream! 219 00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,818 [ laughs ] 220 00:11:59,948 --> 00:12:00,862 [ sighs ] 221 00:12:02,690 --> 00:12:04,170 You know what I mean? 222 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,912 [ ethereal music ] 223 00:12:16,182 --> 00:12:17,444 Know what? 224 00:12:17,574 --> 00:12:20,055 Why don't we cut the bullshit 225 00:12:20,186 --> 00:12:22,231 and go over into those bushes over there and fuck? 226 00:12:25,191 --> 00:12:26,148 [ snapping ] 227 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,193 You all right? Yeah. 228 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,456 Yup. 229 00:12:29,586 --> 00:12:30,936 You stoned or something? 230 00:12:31,066 --> 00:12:33,547 [ chuckles ] 231 00:12:33,677 --> 00:12:35,331 -You ready to head back down? -Yeah, yeah. 232 00:12:35,462 --> 00:12:36,680 -All right. -Mm-hm. 233 00:12:36,811 --> 00:12:37,856 I'll race you to the bottom. 234 00:12:37,986 --> 00:12:40,902 Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 235 00:12:41,033 --> 00:12:43,992 [ "Gosh" by Jamie xx ] 236 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,607 You home already? I thought you had a coffee date. 237 00:12:52,392 --> 00:12:53,785 [ Amber sighs ] 238 00:12:53,915 --> 00:12:58,137 I did. I barely sat down and the guy asked me if I would rim him. 239 00:13:00,226 --> 00:13:03,098 -Oh. -Hmm. 240 00:13:03,229 --> 00:13:05,231 What are you doing? 241 00:13:05,361 --> 00:13:09,583 Just memorizing my lines for acting class tomorrow. 242 00:13:09,713 --> 00:13:12,716 I feel like guys on Tinder are so used to getting sex 243 00:13:12,847 --> 00:13:14,675 that they don't even make an effort anymore. 244 00:13:14,806 --> 00:13:17,199 Like, this one guy, he sent me the martini emoji, 245 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,507 then the eggplant, then just expected me to fuck him. 246 00:13:20,637 --> 00:13:22,639 Maybe he was foreign? 247 00:13:22,770 --> 00:13:25,904 I've just encountered a lot of assholes on there. 248 00:13:26,034 --> 00:13:27,688 It's a numbers game. 249 00:13:27,819 --> 00:13:29,516 I mean, you have a lot of asshole dick, 250 00:13:29,646 --> 00:13:32,432 but you also have dick of every other kind too. 251 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:36,653 Yeah, I know, which is like dicks flying at me 24/7. 252 00:13:36,784 --> 00:13:38,830 Exactly. 253 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,919 I don't know, I might delete it. 254 00:13:41,049 --> 00:13:44,661 Maybe it's true, you can't find romance through a screen. 255 00:13:44,792 --> 00:13:46,707 That is something that old people say 256 00:13:46,838 --> 00:13:49,231 because they resent the fact that we don't have to go 257 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,017 and troll gross bars for sex like they did. 258 00:13:52,147 --> 00:13:53,714 Let me see your profile. 259 00:13:53,845 --> 00:13:55,411 Come here. 260 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,204 You look like you're hosting a reality show 261 00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:08,903 called Extreme Brunch, or something. 262 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:15,388 Do you have like, any photos of you wearing less clothing? 263 00:14:15,518 --> 00:14:18,870 Like, like showing less personality? 264 00:14:22,003 --> 00:14:25,354 Pretty cool that producer coming up to me today, huh? 265 00:14:25,485 --> 00:14:27,574 Yeah, incredible. 266 00:14:27,704 --> 00:14:29,358 Yeah, it's like I've only been out here six months 267 00:14:29,489 --> 00:14:32,361 and things are already starting to happen for me. 268 00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:34,146 [ sighs ] So, Sev. 269 00:14:34,276 --> 00:14:36,191 Mm-hmm? 270 00:14:36,322 --> 00:14:38,019 We've been seeing each other a while now 271 00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:42,241 and I was wondering if... 272 00:14:44,112 --> 00:14:46,245 it was cool that I called you my girlfriend. 273 00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:48,116 You can call me whatever you want. 274 00:14:48,247 --> 00:14:50,205 I'm not precious about the terminology. 275 00:14:50,336 --> 00:14:54,514 Okay, so uh, we're like, exclusive, then? 276 00:14:55,558 --> 00:14:57,256 Ford, we've discussed this. 277 00:14:57,386 --> 00:14:59,214 You know I believe that monogamy 278 00:14:59,345 --> 00:15:00,912 is a form of social control, 279 00:15:01,042 --> 00:15:03,436 which is contrary to our nature. 280 00:15:03,566 --> 00:15:05,481 What? 281 00:15:05,612 --> 00:15:07,396 For centuries, humans migrated in egalitarian 282 00:15:07,527 --> 00:15:10,138 hunter-gatherer groups and shared everything, 283 00:15:10,269 --> 00:15:13,620 food, childcare, sexual partners. 284 00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:15,404 They were very promiscuous 285 00:15:15,535 --> 00:15:17,624 and it strengthened their relationships, 286 00:15:17,754 --> 00:15:19,365 but then agriculture came along 287 00:15:19,495 --> 00:15:21,149 and people became obsessed 288 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,195 with ownership and private property. 289 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:25,588 Oh, when was that? 290 00:15:26,938 --> 00:15:29,331 About 10,000 years ago. 291 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,767 Oh. 292 00:15:31,638 --> 00:15:33,031 Is this uh... 293 00:15:34,075 --> 00:15:36,991 Is this about me not being smart enough for you? 294 00:15:37,122 --> 00:15:39,733 I know you're a rocket scientist and-- 295 00:15:39,863 --> 00:15:41,604 Astrobiological theorist. 296 00:15:41,735 --> 00:15:43,345 And no, Ford, 297 00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:46,000 I actually think you're extraordinary. 298 00:15:46,131 --> 00:15:50,091 Plus, you have the world's most magnificent cock. 299 00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:53,660 Thanks. 300 00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:55,618 It's so magnificent, in fact, 301 00:15:55,749 --> 00:15:57,969 I'd feel guilty keeping it all to myself. 302 00:15:58,099 --> 00:16:00,362 Modern relationships don't last 303 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,322 because we expect too much of our partners. 304 00:16:03,452 --> 00:16:05,454 They need to fulfill us emotionally, 305 00:16:05,585 --> 00:16:07,848 satisfy us sexually. 306 00:16:07,979 --> 00:16:11,156 That's a lot to ask of one person. 307 00:16:11,286 --> 00:16:15,638 Besides, future holds so much chaos and uncertainty. 308 00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:18,424 We must relish our freedom while it lasts. 309 00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:22,994 -Uh, what? -Nothing. 310 00:16:26,258 --> 00:16:30,566 If you're saying what I think it is you're saying, 311 00:16:30,697 --> 00:16:34,092 if you, you know, um, if you want to give 312 00:16:34,222 --> 00:16:38,052 the open relationship thing a try, 313 00:16:38,183 --> 00:16:39,314 I'm down. 314 00:16:43,318 --> 00:16:44,493 Really? 315 00:16:45,842 --> 00:16:47,235 You're not just saying that to make me happy? 316 00:16:47,366 --> 00:16:50,151 You know I have difficulties reading social cues. 317 00:16:52,719 --> 00:16:53,676 I mean it. 318 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,509 Okay, now pretend like you're laughing 319 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,208 at a cute guy over there being funny. 320 00:17:03,338 --> 00:17:05,601 But why am I wearing a bikini in the living room? 321 00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:07,647 No one is thinking about that, Amber. 322 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:10,650 This is literally just about assessing your genetics. 323 00:17:12,913 --> 00:17:14,262 -[ laughs ] -Oh, my God, okay, 324 00:17:14,393 --> 00:17:15,568 he's not, he's not like, that funny. 325 00:17:15,698 --> 00:17:18,745 -He's amusing. -Okay. 326 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:20,573 [ chuckles ] 327 00:17:20,703 --> 00:17:22,966 He's mildly amusing. 328 00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:26,187 -[ camera snaps ] -Perfect. 329 00:17:30,452 --> 00:17:32,019 I look mean. 330 00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:33,847 No, you look confused. 331 00:17:33,977 --> 00:17:35,196 You look hot and confused. 332 00:17:35,327 --> 00:17:37,068 That's the ideal combination. 333 00:17:37,198 --> 00:17:38,199 -What? -[ phone rings ] 334 00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:41,942 Oh, sorry. Hey. 335 00:17:42,073 --> 00:17:43,596 Oh, my God, are you watching it? 336 00:17:43,726 --> 00:17:45,554 -Watching what? -Murderous Minds. 337 00:17:45,685 --> 00:17:47,513 I told you, my episode's on tonight. 338 00:17:47,643 --> 00:17:48,905 Oh, uh, shit! 339 00:17:49,036 --> 00:17:50,211 Oh, my God, that's right, babe! 340 00:17:50,342 --> 00:17:51,952 I totally forgot! 341 00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:53,475 That's so exciting! 342 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,564 Fuck, Carly! 343 00:17:55,695 --> 00:17:57,000 Hope you didn't miss me. 344 00:17:57,131 --> 00:17:58,219 I've gotta set the DVR. 345 00:18:00,439 --> 00:18:02,267 -What's happening now? -What do you mean? 346 00:18:02,397 --> 00:18:05,008 JETHRO: On the show, Jesus! 347 00:18:05,139 --> 00:18:07,924 Um, it, it looks like two cops 348 00:18:08,055 --> 00:18:10,492 are investigating like, a crime scene. 349 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:12,799 Okay, shit, you're just in time. It's my scene. 350 00:18:16,237 --> 00:18:17,891 What's happening now? 351 00:18:18,021 --> 00:18:19,545 They just zipped some guy into a body bag. 352 00:18:19,675 --> 00:18:20,589 Yes! 353 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,025 [ grunts ] 354 00:18:24,376 --> 00:18:26,117 Was that you? 355 00:18:26,247 --> 00:18:27,509 Uh yeah, what, couldn't you tell? 356 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,860 No, you were amazing. 357 00:18:30,991 --> 00:18:32,166 Ah, I'm sure. 358 00:18:33,776 --> 00:18:34,734 Was I? 359 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,257 Mm-hm. 360 00:18:36,388 --> 00:18:38,303 Yeah, you, you were great, Jethro. 361 00:18:38,433 --> 00:18:40,783 Oh, hey, Amber's there! Amber! 362 00:18:40,914 --> 00:18:44,091 -She uh, she see me too? - Yup, she did. 363 00:18:44,222 --> 00:18:48,922 And uh, she thought you were uh, very believable. 364 00:18:49,618 --> 00:18:52,926 14 fucking million people watch that show. 365 00:18:53,056 --> 00:18:55,189 It's like I'm always telling you, Carly, 366 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,625 it's about connecting the dots 367 00:18:56,756 --> 00:19:00,325 and maintaining a positive attitude. 368 00:19:00,455 --> 00:19:01,456 Which is why I really wish you'd come with me 369 00:19:01,587 --> 00:19:03,154 to meditation class tonight. 370 00:19:03,284 --> 00:19:05,068 Yeah, I know, babe, but I told you, 371 00:19:05,199 --> 00:19:07,332 I need to work on my scene for class tomorrow. 372 00:19:07,462 --> 00:19:11,205 Yeah, well, Car, the road to failure is paved with excuses. 373 00:19:11,336 --> 00:19:12,989 [ phone beeping ] 374 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,948 Hey, babe, can we continue this later? 375 00:19:15,078 --> 00:19:17,690 Uly's on the other line, probably having a crisis. 376 00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:20,954 I'm almost to work anyway. Just wanted to share my moment of glory with ya. 377 00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:23,130 You were awesome, babe. 378 00:19:23,261 --> 00:19:25,480 Thanks, I'll swing by after work for another lesson. 379 00:19:25,611 --> 00:19:28,527 Great. Okay, see ya. 380 00:19:28,657 --> 00:19:31,791 -Hey. -Gabriel is 43 fucking minutes late. 381 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,402 Like I said, low bar. 382 00:19:34,533 --> 00:19:37,100 What should I do now? Should I leave? 383 00:19:37,231 --> 00:19:40,234 [ chuckles ] Are you kidding? You lost all your dignity like, 28 minutes ago. 384 00:19:40,365 --> 00:19:42,671 I know. Am I tragic? 385 00:19:42,802 --> 00:19:44,195 Don't, don't answer that. 386 00:19:44,325 --> 00:19:45,935 I was really hoping to, you know, 387 00:19:46,066 --> 00:19:47,459 finally solve the mystery of, oh, shit. 388 00:19:47,589 --> 00:19:49,243 -CARLY: What? Is he there? -Yeah. 389 00:19:49,374 --> 00:19:51,202 -I'll call you back. -Okay, bye! 390 00:19:53,682 --> 00:19:57,033 Ulysses. Oh, man, I am so sorry. 391 00:19:57,164 --> 00:19:59,122 You must think that I'm the hugest flake ever, 392 00:19:59,253 --> 00:20:01,647 but class got out late, Waze sent me to the wrong address, 393 00:20:01,777 --> 00:20:04,084 -and, and my phone died-- -It's, it's okay, it's okay-- 394 00:20:04,215 --> 00:20:05,955 Don't worry about it. 395 00:20:06,086 --> 00:20:07,870 Seriously though, I'm big on first impressions 396 00:20:08,001 --> 00:20:11,134 and I feel so fucking bad. 397 00:20:11,265 --> 00:20:13,746 Well, you're here now, right? 398 00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:15,269 That's, that's all that matters. 399 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,314 Yeah. 400 00:20:16,444 --> 00:20:18,881 [ upbeat music ] 401 00:20:22,276 --> 00:20:26,062 [ "Diamond Veins" by French 79 ] 402 00:20:44,603 --> 00:20:49,303 ♪ Blood felt, joy of life 403 00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:52,828 Whoa. 404 00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:54,352 Holy crap, baby. 405 00:20:54,482 --> 00:20:55,744 [ Carly chuckles ] 406 00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:58,138 Hey, Smokey. You miss me? 407 00:20:58,269 --> 00:21:00,009 Sure did. 408 00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:01,837 I want to drink you up like a piña colada. 409 00:21:01,968 --> 00:21:06,712 Good, because I've been a really bad girl. 410 00:21:06,842 --> 00:21:08,931 -[ loud slap ] -[ gasps ] Ooh! 411 00:21:09,062 --> 00:21:11,020 -[ loud slap ] -Ah! 412 00:21:11,151 --> 00:21:12,457 -[ loud slap ] -[ moans ] 413 00:21:12,587 --> 00:21:15,024 NERD: I really want to get to know you, the real you. 414 00:21:15,155 --> 00:21:17,070 Are you sure you just don't want me to like, 415 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,941 finger myself or something? 416 00:21:19,072 --> 00:21:21,292 Could we just talk first? 417 00:21:21,422 --> 00:21:24,599 Like, what do you like most about being a cam girl? 418 00:21:24,730 --> 00:21:29,256 Well, I uh, I have always wanted a job I could do lying down. 419 00:21:30,126 --> 00:21:31,171 Hm. 420 00:21:32,303 --> 00:21:33,826 Show me! 421 00:21:33,956 --> 00:21:35,828 Show me, you deviant little whore. 422 00:21:35,958 --> 00:21:38,265 You're so pitiful and weak! 423 00:21:38,396 --> 00:21:40,223 Just looking at you makes me sick. 424 00:21:40,354 --> 00:21:42,313 Get on your knees! 425 00:21:42,443 --> 00:21:46,534 Damn. I so wish I hadn't scheduled band practice for tonight. 426 00:21:46,665 --> 00:21:49,015 Ah, it, it's cool. 427 00:21:49,145 --> 00:21:50,669 It's just that a couple of weeks ago, 428 00:21:50,799 --> 00:21:53,236 I, I declared this embargo on hookups. 429 00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:55,195 I mean, you know they're fun, obviously, 430 00:21:55,326 --> 00:22:00,069 but I always just feel, well, gross and pagan after. 431 00:22:00,679 --> 00:22:02,724 Yeah, no, uh, I know what you mean. 432 00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:05,988 So I, I made sure to make plans 433 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,078 so that no matter how hot you were, 434 00:22:09,209 --> 00:22:12,691 I, you know, would have to restrain myself. 435 00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:16,695 No, it's, it's okay, I totally get it. 436 00:22:19,698 --> 00:22:22,004 We can hang out soon again, though, right? 437 00:22:22,135 --> 00:22:23,832 Definitely. 438 00:22:23,963 --> 00:22:26,095 -Oh, shit! -What? What? 439 00:22:26,226 --> 00:22:29,142 I fucking forgot to charge my phone! 440 00:22:29,272 --> 00:22:32,754 I got so distracted, I can't even text my band mates now. 441 00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:35,017 That sucks. 442 00:22:36,454 --> 00:22:39,413 I guess we'll jus- we'll just have to hang out 443 00:22:42,416 --> 00:22:45,114 again soon-- 444 00:22:45,245 --> 00:22:49,858 -[ car horn honking ] -[ men shouting ] 445 00:22:52,687 --> 00:22:53,862 Come on. 446 00:22:53,993 --> 00:22:56,691 [ gentle music ] 447 00:23:02,218 --> 00:23:03,698 No, wait. 448 00:23:03,829 --> 00:23:06,222 -What? -[ sighs ] 449 00:23:06,353 --> 00:23:07,920 I'm not blowing this, am I? 450 00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:10,923 What do you, What do you mean? 451 00:23:11,053 --> 00:23:13,012 Well, I'm gonna see you again, right? 452 00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:14,622 I mean, I'm not fucking this up doing this? 453 00:23:14,753 --> 00:23:17,669 No, no, no, you're not fucking this up. 454 00:23:17,799 --> 00:23:20,280 Good, 'cause I seriously cannot control myself right now. 455 00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:25,894 Handjobs only, though? 456 00:23:26,025 --> 00:23:26,982 What? 457 00:23:27,679 --> 00:23:29,202 For tonight, just handjobs? 458 00:23:30,333 --> 00:23:31,639 And save the rest for later? 459 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,294 Yeah. Yeah. 460 00:23:34,425 --> 00:23:35,948 Okay, we need to hurry, though, 461 00:23:36,078 --> 00:23:37,471 'cause I literally only have like, two minutes, okay? 462 00:23:41,736 --> 00:23:43,259 Oh, yeah, you like that, Worm? 463 00:23:43,390 --> 00:23:46,393 WORM: Mm-hm. Can you wiggle them? 464 00:23:46,524 --> 00:23:48,003 Like this, you mean? 465 00:23:48,134 --> 00:23:51,093 Yeah, keep wiggling. Keep wiggling. 466 00:23:51,224 --> 00:23:52,355 Worm, you know you need to ask me 467 00:23:52,486 --> 00:23:54,662 more respectfully than that. 468 00:23:54,793 --> 00:23:57,056 Please. Please wiggle your toes for me. 469 00:23:57,186 --> 00:23:58,884 CARLY: Much better. 470 00:23:59,014 --> 00:24:00,581 Hell yeah. 471 00:24:01,843 --> 00:24:02,757 Keep wiggling. 472 00:24:02,888 --> 00:24:04,759 More, more wiggle. 473 00:24:05,673 --> 00:24:07,196 Oh, God. [ moans ] 474 00:24:07,327 --> 00:24:10,330 [ both moaning ] 475 00:24:11,549 --> 00:24:12,767 -Oh! -God! 476 00:24:12,898 --> 00:24:15,553 Oh, oh, oh fuck! 477 00:24:15,683 --> 00:24:17,642 [ groaning ] 478 00:24:17,772 --> 00:24:19,905 -Oh! -Fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! 479 00:24:20,035 --> 00:24:22,473 [ both groan ] 480 00:24:22,603 --> 00:24:25,301 [ all groaning ] 481 00:24:34,746 --> 00:24:37,183 [ both panting ] 482 00:24:37,662 --> 00:24:38,576 Fuck. 483 00:24:43,189 --> 00:24:44,973 MAGENTA: What can I do for you, Mistress? 484 00:24:45,104 --> 00:24:46,235 I'm here to please you. 485 00:24:46,366 --> 00:24:47,759 I'll do anything you want. 486 00:24:49,848 --> 00:24:53,329 How about you do 30 naked pushups? 487 00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:55,244 Would that make Mistress happy? 488 00:24:55,375 --> 00:24:56,811 To be honest, no. 489 00:24:56,942 --> 00:24:58,900 I just- I don't really care. 490 00:24:59,031 --> 00:25:00,685 Well, what would make you truly happy? 491 00:25:00,815 --> 00:25:02,251 I'm here to serve you. 492 00:25:04,340 --> 00:25:05,298 Really? 493 00:25:07,648 --> 00:25:11,086 Do you want to run lines with me for my acting class 494 00:25:11,217 --> 00:25:13,219 'cause I have to memorize all these by tomorrow. 495 00:25:13,349 --> 00:25:15,526 Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that one. 496 00:25:15,656 --> 00:25:17,310 But you said you would do anything. 497 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:18,964 Well, I know, but-- 498 00:25:19,094 --> 00:25:20,443 Well, okay, well, what if I like, 499 00:25:20,574 --> 00:25:21,662 take my top off while I do it? 500 00:25:21,793 --> 00:25:22,707 Okay, sure. 501 00:25:22,837 --> 00:25:24,578 Cool. Great. 502 00:25:24,709 --> 00:25:25,710 Okay. 503 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:30,149 So, you're Anne, 504 00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:32,020 and I'm Mary, okay? 505 00:25:33,544 --> 00:25:34,719 Okay. 506 00:25:36,677 --> 00:25:40,725 Do you feel as awful as you look? 507 00:25:40,855 --> 00:25:43,945 Why would you come here if all you wanted to do was torment me? 508 00:25:44,076 --> 00:25:45,425 Hey, you're good. 509 00:25:45,556 --> 00:25:46,992 Hey! 510 00:25:47,122 --> 00:25:48,254 -[ snaps ] -Stay in character! 511 00:25:48,384 --> 00:25:49,298 Next line. 512 00:25:49,429 --> 00:25:50,299 ULYSSES: Wow. 513 00:25:54,390 --> 00:25:56,262 That was kind of intense. 514 00:25:56,392 --> 00:25:57,306 Yeah. 515 00:25:58,090 --> 00:26:00,266 [ panting ] 516 00:26:05,358 --> 00:26:07,360 Seriously, I mean what was that? 517 00:26:07,490 --> 00:26:09,362 Was it, was it just me or did, did it feel like 518 00:26:09,492 --> 00:26:12,017 the universe collapsed in on itself for a second there? 519 00:26:12,147 --> 00:26:13,061 No, I felt it too. 520 00:26:15,716 --> 00:26:16,978 I'm almost afraid to see what happens 521 00:26:17,109 --> 00:26:18,110 when we actually have sex. 522 00:26:20,242 --> 00:26:23,768 Look, I, I realize that we just met 523 00:26:23,898 --> 00:26:27,859 and I, I don't want to sound too psycho stalkery or anything, 524 00:26:27,989 --> 00:26:32,646 but something strange seems to be going on here. 525 00:26:35,083 --> 00:26:36,824 Yeah. 526 00:26:36,955 --> 00:26:39,044 Yeah, I mean, it sort of- it sort of feels like 527 00:26:40,872 --> 00:26:41,960 -fate. -Fate. 528 00:26:47,705 --> 00:26:49,489 But I- got to go, my band mates are gonna kill me. 529 00:26:49,620 --> 00:26:51,360 Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. 530 00:26:51,491 --> 00:26:54,929 So uh, so when do I get to see you next? 531 00:26:55,060 --> 00:26:56,627 Well, whenever. I mean, whenever you-- 532 00:26:56,757 --> 00:26:59,542 -How about tomorrow? -Tomorrow's great. 533 00:27:00,543 --> 00:27:01,457 Cool. 534 00:27:02,676 --> 00:27:03,677 Oh, fuck. 535 00:27:08,421 --> 00:27:10,597 Okay, shit. 536 00:27:10,728 --> 00:27:11,903 Now I really got to go. 537 00:27:12,033 --> 00:27:13,992 Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. 538 00:27:15,210 --> 00:27:17,822 [ gentle music ] 539 00:27:34,229 --> 00:27:35,753 Holy fucking shit! 540 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:39,234 -[ loud crash ] -[ yelps ] 541 00:27:39,365 --> 00:27:40,496 [ loud thud ] 542 00:27:44,500 --> 00:27:45,676 Ow! 543 00:28:15,140 --> 00:28:18,056 [ ethereal music ] 544 00:28:18,186 --> 00:28:19,666 Help me! 545 00:28:21,407 --> 00:28:22,974 Please! 546 00:28:30,111 --> 00:28:31,156 Please, help me! 547 00:28:33,245 --> 00:28:34,202 No! 548 00:28:36,161 --> 00:28:37,728 Oh, God! 549 00:28:37,858 --> 00:28:40,165 No! No! 550 00:28:46,954 --> 00:28:48,913 [ groaning ] 551 00:28:51,959 --> 00:28:53,352 Oh, God, no! 552 00:28:55,049 --> 00:28:56,050 No! 553 00:29:03,057 --> 00:29:04,189 No! 554 00:29:05,233 --> 00:29:06,365 Help me! 555 00:29:07,801 --> 00:29:09,020 Please! 556 00:29:09,150 --> 00:29:10,064 Help me! 557 00:29:10,195 --> 00:29:11,065 [ hisses loudly ] 558 00:29:11,196 --> 00:29:13,111 [ screams ] 559 00:29:14,895 --> 00:29:18,333 [ "Star Roving" by Slowdive ] 560 00:29:29,083 --> 00:29:32,913 ♪ Give it away now, girl 561 00:29:33,044 --> 00:29:36,090 ♪ Can't hold